Pros include: getting insight into what he’s thinking and feeling as the story plays out. It’s a switch for readers, and I can use the time in his head to better explain why he does what he does. Reassure readers, or scare them a little, as the case may be. That’s cool. And, I like my heroes. I like being in their heads and I like writing their POVs.
Cons include: reassuring readers and giving them that insight lessens the tension, big-time. Unlike Liberating Lacey, where both Hunter and Lacey learn something about themselves, this story is really the heroine’s journey. The hero, Daniel, is a sexy guy acting as a highly combustible catalyst in Elaine’s life. He’s going to turn her world upside down, give it a good shake, then give her a soft place to land. So…does it serve the story in any way for the reader to know what he’s thinking? Or can what he’s thinking come out in conversation, in action, in what he does or doesn’t do?
In rereading a particularly troublesome scene in Daniel’s POV, two things are clear. One, I like the writing so it’s hard to kill my darling by moving the text to the Deleted file and two, I’m doing a ton of telling. Telling = yammering, in my work. Too much yammering and explaining, not enough showing via H/h interaction. I want the reader to feel Elaine’s anxiety when the world goes topsy-turvy. I want them to wonder what she’s going to do when presented with a situation she simply can’t manage with her usual substantial tool-kit. And I TRUST them to deduce what kind of man Daniel is without me telling them. It’s like the negative space in a picture. In this book (and in Megan Hart‘s Spice releases Dirty, Broken, Tempted and Stranger) we figure out what kind of person the hero is from what he says and does…we’re never in his head. Never.
Okay. Decision made. For now !